Some people should never be parents

She only meant
something to you
When your life was in chaos
and had no one to
warm your heart

When life got to much
for you
You expected her to "be
there for" you.
And i had to remind you
she was only 11
And that was not her
purpose to do.

You blamed her for your
problems
For the ones who
eventually left you
(because they could no
longer tolerate your
drama )

Over stressed her to
keep her quiet
Played out the victim and
martyr oh so well
Seeking out pity where
none should have been given
to you anyway...

Placed everyone and
everything,
Above and before her,
When really she should
have been your priority,
Chose another person's
daughters over her ,
Then kicked her out of
her mind
at the age of only 14

You spoke her of verbal abuse,
'how it was your cross to bear
as she was so dysfuntional
And out of control,
She deserved what she got'
(oh not!)

Ah I know you
at those ages
Loved
Doted
Pampered
Tolerated
Spoiled
Envoloped in the utter
love and affection
of your own mother

When i think of her
upbringing,
In stark contrast of yours
I want to cry ,
At what you got and
didn't give ,
What she deserved but
never received

But you were too busy
being all about you
A victim
A martyr
A taker
A user
A loser
Never responsible
Never wrong.

Despite your lack of
parenting
She has become
Accomplished
Talented
Humble
Ravishing
Intelligent
well and whole
while your faves

remain nothing...

Splitting of an atom

paranoia eats me up,
makes me gasp and panic,
There'z no one to calm me
and the voice inside of me whispers poison
I think its not part of me.
I think something outthere is in my head,
I think someone is trying to hurt me,
I think its trying to end my life.
I dont want life to be life like this.
Looking around the corner before turning them,
Listening for sounds of people coming,
watching people,
Beliveing that they are trying to hurt me.
This paranoia is killing me.
Its rippimg my soul out slowly .
I lost trust in everyone around me.
and watch them,
Over analysing what they say,
I walk fastI run away from people,
I watch them suspiciously,
I watch my back.
This paranoia will end me .
and i can't stop it,
becoz someone is realy out to get me,
to hurt me again and again,
And they are right behind me.
good bye.

something in your way

can you see them?
The messengers of love,
with wings shattered
and stained in fear,
plunging into my chest,
and tearing out murky life stones,
as it were clay.
Melting over them,
tiny bundles of sorrow, safely
entombed with guardians of hate,
and inky lights to guide their way,
can u see them?

art... heart... art...

Music rolls up the
waves of silent lake.
Painting is chasing,
a beam in dark cave.
Dance is a whirl
on the line of stillness.
Act arise from the
ark of agony.
art is the mark of
ancient awareness.

logical thoughts!!!!

Graphite and pain
My dear, what you have
to be afraid of?
Life is a simple test
with multiple choice answers.
A through C speak of
procreation lastly.
Letter D of heartbreak
and the love making...

graphite and pain
Ink and disarray
Circle shines like fiends.
All of the above for
saints of our dumb love,
Just grade out our hearts and leave,
just grade our hearts.

who tries..?

Who tries so hard,
to figure it out,
Tease out the stubborn logic;
Understand building blocks,
Assemble the cause and effect,
Isolate, direct and indirect;
Ponder-if,then,else;
Interrogate-him,her,self;
Review it word by word;
Say again the heard and unheard;
Syllable by syllable;
More patience than thoughts able;;
Scientist,Logician, professor, Physician,
The experienced, the phD?
No , Silly, the poet, me.

long time before...

When i was young and alone, I would tell tales of those who had loved and lost.
I would ramble on about love and passion and delicate working of human soul. When i was young and alone I could tell about the intricate lacings of the human heart as lyrically as any mystic poet.I would weave stories of star crossed lovers from the strings of forgotten truths. When i was young and alone, i would dream of a warm touch of a lover whose eyes saw only me. I would lie in the bed for hours, squeezing my eyes tight so that the fantasies i had painted never slip away.When i was young and alone, i was so very much alone in my passionate wisdom and infinite rhyme.
But now as lie in your arms, i have no deep insights to impart on this world. i have no wisdom to set sail upon the wind.Now as i lie here on your shoulders,I no longer need to dream. for nothing, for nothing i had ever conjured was ever sweet as the brush of your cheeks against mine, or the smell of your body as you pull me in close. I have no need for lengthy ballads to nameless lovers. i make claims to ancient wisdom.
For all i know and all i could ever have to say, i need but 3 words forever... I love you.

((i wrote this long tym ago in my diary, since he has left in search of ''much more '' from his life.but god latenight , when the distractions that can fill your life in the hollowest of waysfall away, i feel void so much that all i can do is cry.I'm terrifed of allowing me to crumble but even more so of ever becoming too strong)