Willing is not enough, You must do.....

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."- Les Brown

Instead of having a mental 'to do' list, a handful of good intentions or some vague desire to make changes, connect your plans for self improvement by focusing on specific goals. Goal setting helps you make better decisions, ensures you achieve your short- and long-term objectives, and allows you to measure your accomplishments.
But goal achievement, especially when it comes to self improvement,can be a mystery. Most of us have no trouble with the first step —setting a goal is the easy part — it's those other steps that can be apuzzle.

But you CAN turn achieving your goals into a science with the right strategies.

Here are a few of my favorites:

1. DO be specific.
DON'T deal in absolutes.Avoid the words 'some' and 'more', as in "I will get SOME exercise" or"I will eat MORE veggies and fruits." Deal in measurable things that you have control over. And never say 'never' or 'always.' All or nothing is a common attitude that leads people back to bad habits.

2. DO create a plan.
DON'T wait for "someday" to roll around.Setting the goal is just the first step. Know where you're going, what resources you'll need, who can help and — above all — what Plan B is when life throws a monkey wrench into Plan A.

3. DO write it down.
DON'T forget to give yourself a deadline.Deadlines turn wishes into goals, they generate the motivation necessary for you to get yourself to take action. The act of writing down your goal is powerful enough to keep you committed and focused.Better yet, find a visual that represents your goal or how your lifewill be different. Seeing it makes it seem more possible.

4. DO start small. DON'T focus on too many things at once.
Start very small, get the habit of starting handled, then build. Use a small goal that you know you can do each day for the next two weeks,like getting up without the snooze or drinking eight cups of water.Build that first habit to boost your confidence and pick up speed.

5. DO leave room for failure. DON'T expect perfection.
Persistence is key. Accept the fact that you might not make it on the first try. In a recent study, only 40 percent of people who successfully followed New Year's resolutions did it on the first try;17 percent of resolution achievers took six or more tries before they got it right — but they did get it right.

6. DO track your progress. DON'T fool yourself into failure.
Tracking provides valuable feedback and indications of areas that may need to be addressed or adjusted. Memory can be pretty selective. It conveniently forgets that extra brownie while remembering activity that never happened. The only way to know for sure is to track goals regularly with a checklist or journal.

7. DO reward your success. DON'T beat yourself up over failure.
This is the step that trips up most individuals. Negative reinforcement is all around us, telling us every day what we're doing wrong. This is not the approach to take to succeed with your goals.Why not focus on what you're doing right instead? If you take a stepback, learn from it and take two steps forward.

8. DO find a support system. DON'T try to do it alone.
Whether the goals you want to achieve are personal goals, business goals, or a combination of both, a goal buddy can be your key to goalsetting success. People that can help are all around you — on the forums, at work, even in your own family. Just add one person to your support group, and you double your motivation, double your energy,double your commitment — and double your FUN.

Measure your progress on a regular basis. Do a review of where you are and how far you've come every three months. Think of it as doing a quarterly performance review. One of the reasons resolutions and planscrumble in the face of day-to-day responsibilities is a lack of focus.Tie everything you do into your overall goal and you can achieve amazing results

Memories

My footsteps let to the attic floor
I felt the creaking staircase sway
Slowly and softly i climbed them up
Clearing the cobwebs away

The door sung back with ease and quiet,
The room lay dark and seemed at rest;
Trapped in the past,it lovingly held
Beautiful memories clutched to its breast.
The dull glow from my candle flame
Pick out shapes hauntingly old;
The years just rolled away from me
Each shape its foregotten stories told.

The framed photograph fallen on the floor
With unseen hand beckoned me near;
I cleared away the dust of fears
And gazed once more at those faces dear

Those blurred images sprung into my life
The present gone,I was back in the past ;
My remembering eyes clouded over,
Reliving the moment of love that I lost

A bundle of dusty letters I found
Held lovingly by a dirty bow;
My eyes caressed the printed words
Written in love those summers ago
The cards that proclaimed tender care
Still held in them petals of flowers,
Those soft fragrance brought back to me
The magic of those stolen hours

The broken sea shell,pale and smooth,
One of the relics time has spared;
I kept it to my ear and heard,
Echoes of joyful laughter shared

The rusty pen,the sketch so old
Each object brought me joy and pain
Though time went on,for me it stood still,
In a room where the past was here again
I sat among the snatches of memories
Their beauty mirrored in my tears.
In that silent room,echoes of yesterday
Were lost in time to human ears.

Alone

Alone I stand with no support,
Not even a hand to hold;
My silence speaks of profound pain
And of lonliness untold.
Each ray of sunshine into my life,
Brings a glimmer of hope with it;
But leaves me soon in the lonely dark,
Taking a part of me away with it.
It always takes, but never gives
Is that how it destined to be?
Only silence greets my unspoken thoughts
A silence that speaks volume to me.
My tears dried up by relentless sun,
Or washed away by uncaring rain;
My heart thats full of love and care
Is choked to death by loss and pain
My life devoid of hope and light
Is full of sorrowful shadows cast.
So I stand alone,proud and erect,
Forbidden and forgotten,loved and lost.

How to Resolve Conflicts in Your Relationships

Every relationship in our life - friendships, family, romantic and professional - can potentially be destroyed by conflict. The solution is not to ignore the conflict or keep moving around hoping to find a set of perfect people. We need to deal with the problems we currently face, otherwise they will just reappear elsewhere.
To a large extent, the only thing we can change in relationships is ourself and our own attitude. We can't expect to change other people,but we can learn to deal with relationships in a way that promotes harmony and diffuses conflict. Resolving conflicts in relationships is one of the most important life skills we can develop and it is something we need to value.

Seeing the Issue From the Other Person's Perspective.
If we have a difficult issue, it is important to see the problem from the other person's perspective. This does not mean we have to agree with their viewpoint; it means we try to see the issue from a different perspective. This empathy can at least help us to understand where they are coming from, and why they have their particular mindset. If we can do this we may wish to moderate our stance because we understand why they are acting in a certain way. If we only look at things from our perspective, conflict will be much more likely to occur. For example, a parent dealing with difficult children should consider the perspective that children can have at that point in life.

Tolerance
A major cause of conflict in relationships is when we expect people to behave in a certain way. The problem with expecting certain behaviour is that we get upset when they fail to live up to our expectations.Even those close to us are not our responsibility; we need to be tolerant of their mistakes and limitations. We have to respect their decisions on how to live their life. This detachment is not indifference; we shall retain concern and goodwill, but there comes apoint where we need to give people the freedom to make their own choices - even if we don't agree with them. This is especially true for parents who have an overbearing expectation of how their children will live their lives.

Dealing with Anger
Unfortunately, if we respond to situations by getting angry we will exacerbate the problem. Anger embodies a feeling of aggression and condemnation which people struggle to deal with it. Invariably it encourages people to respond in a similar way. If we feel angry, the best solution is to avoid talking / arguing at that particular time.We should calm our anger before confronting other people. Any conflict will only be exacerbated by anger. Similarly, if people approach us with anger, we have to respond in a different way - silence is better than getting mad at someone.

Value Harmony
To a large extent we get what we aspire for. If we really value harmony in our relationships with others, then we will make it happen.If we give greater important to proving ourselves right and our own ego, then there will be a constant feeling of superiority and inferiority which breeds conflict. If we keep reminding ourselves ofthe desirability of harmony we won't allow ourselves to become miserable; we will work hard to think of others.

Oneness
The real secret to maintaining good relationships is generating a feeling of oneness. This means we will feel happy at the success of others; we will sympathize when they experience difficulties; we will endeavour to avoid hurting their feelings. In oneness there is no superiority and inferiority. Without oneness, we are prone to feelings of pride, jealousy and insecurity. If you feel a really genuine sense of oneness with other people, how can you want to hurt them?

Insecurity and Inner Poise
When we are full of insecurities our relationships become more difficult. The problem is that if we are insecure about ourselves we can become judgemental about other people; to make ourselves feel better we will start criticizing others. We may not be conscious of this, but it does happen. When we are peace with ourselves, good relationships will be natural. When we have inner peace and poise, we don't rely on other people to give us security and praise. When we are at peace with ourselves, we tend to have a sympathetic and positive view of the world. Often we want to blame bad relationships on otherpeople; but, actually the only thing we can really do is to work on ourselves. If we develop inner peace and poise our relationships will definitely improve.

Talking
When tense situations arise, talking can be the most effective way of moving past the problem. Some things are best left unsaid; it is inadvisable to bring up old conflicts unless absolutely necessary.When talking we should try to converse on positive issues; look for things which we agree on and can work together on.

Perspective
Don't get upset about little things. In the great cosmic game, most oft he minor personality conflicts are relatively insignificant. If we get mad when someone doesn't do the washing up, how are we going to react when they do something really bad? If you find yourself getting worked up by a series of small things, take a step back and try to evaluate their relative importance. For each minor failing try tot hink of a really good quality of that person. If you are sincere you will feel that this good quality is far more important than the minor indiscretion.

Raising Problems
Although we don't want to bring up old scores, sometimes it is important to make another person aware of the problems they are creating. If we feel someone else is constantly doing something wrong,we need to make them aware of their behaviour in a non confrontational way. Often people just aren't aware of the problems they are creating and may actually appreciate being made aware of the problem. The best approach is to try and make them aware of how their actions cause painto others; but, we need to try and do it in a way that doesn't make them feel excessively guilty. Give them room and encouragement to make the necessary change.No conflict is intractable. If we are willing to change our attitudewe can develop harmony even with difficult people. It is always important to be positive and forget the past. If we can develop harmony in our relationships, it will definitely make a big difference to our life.

what not to do in conversation?

Sometimes we find ourselves in unpleasant situations because we've said something wrong or just in a wrong manner. Although the art of conversation looks quite simple, there are many rules to follow in order not to create a bad impression.

1. You shouldn't be the only one to talk even if you are the greatest story-teller ever. Even if you've been to the North Pole and you've seen polar bears and whales that doesn't mean that you should talk the entire evening. Avoid using "I" in everything you say because the others will think you are egocentric.

2. Avoid repeating the same idea even if it's brilliant, don't jump to a conclusion after every statement you hear from the others and don't talk in general about people after just hearing one case. All these would only lead to one result:
-if you are the host, your guests will start finding excuses: theyhave children at home, a project to finish…
-if you are a guest the others will avoid you and you will findyourself in an uncomfortable position.

3. If you are not sure about the meaning of a word try not to use it just to impress. It's not a shame to use a dictionary when necessary and this way you won't make a fool out of yourself. Many times people discuss about personalities or about the international situation. If you don't know how to pronounce a name you should ask because no one was born to know it all.

4. Even if you are right about something, not only once but a million times, let the other person finish and then tell your opinion about the subject. Express your opinions calmly and try not to be ironic and violent in order not to spoil everyone's evening. Try to be respectful, especially in what involves the elderly. By being calm the others will be more interested in what you are saying.

5. When talking to someone try to look him or her in the eye so or else that person will think you are not sincere or that you are just not interested.

6. When supporting an idea try to use rational arguments; don't approve an idea you are not sure of and don't contradict everything just to be original. You won't attract the others' attention in a pleasant way.If the "opponent" has had more arguments than you and proved to know more about the subject don't leave looking offended or upset. Smile and put an end to the discussion in a polite way or even more let yourself convinced.

7. When meeting someone new, talk about yourself but seize the right moment to let the other person speak too. Don't ask too personal questions especially questions that could affect the one you are talking to such as "So how come that you divorced after only a year?"

These are just a few rules but in fact there are many more to follow.What is the most important is to think about how the others feel and to respect them. And there is always something to learn in order to be successful, and this depends greatly on your ability to interact with other people; being able to carry a conversation is important for everybody.

Reflections

There is stillness in the air
No chirp,no rustle,no blare
The mind mindlessly reflects back
At what life has and what it lacks
The days just passed by
Like a short breeze,cold but dry
How moments slipped away so fast
Taking away the first and last
How each decision,every move
Decides whether you win or loose
The game of life that is to be placed
Time keeps on moving...memories fade
But the shadow of what had been
Always remain...not unseen
It is in something you can wash away
But accompanies you through your way
The experience of your shadow
Help you make choices as you grow

Stress management

Stress management is the controlling and reducing of tension that occurs in stressful situations. Everyone copes with stress everyday."I'm SO stressed out!" - It seems like you hear it all the time from nearly every one you know . Most people are unprepared to deal with stressors that trigger feelings that can make us sick. Literally,sick.

Here are 7 coping skills to stress proof your life.

1.Know how to relax - find a quiet place, get comfy make sure your body is well supported. Breath slowly and deeply.

2. Eat right and exercise often - avoid caffeine and refined sugar,eat dairy products which may improve your mood. Make exercise a part of your daily life-even if it's only taking the stairs instead of the elevator or parking at the far end of the lot.

3. Learn it is OK to say 'no'. Often, many of us feel we have to say'yes' to everyone, every time we're asked for help. You can't be all things to all people. You must first meet your own needs before you can truly give others what they need.

4. Take a mini-vacation from stress. If you can find fifteen minutes aday, or one hour a week if daily isn't possible, make a date withyourself. Schedule a walk around the block, lunch in the park, asunrise or sunset alone, a bubble bath without interruptions.

5. Make time for yourself, your number one priority; once your own needs are met you will find you have more time for others. And you may find more pleasure in helping others when you don't feel that you must always put others needs before your own.

6. Go outside and enjoy Mother Nature. A little sunshine and activity can have amazing ramifications on your stress level and will enhance your entire outlook towards life. Your improved attitude will have a positive effect on everyone. Not only will you be less stressed, you will be healthier, happier, and more energetic; ready to face whatever obstacles come your way.

7. Have a good sense of humor. Be a resource to yourself. Try something new, learn to play again. Laugh. Laughter releases endorphins, chemicals in the brain that restore calm.

It's how you react to stress that makes all the difference in maintaining your health and well-being. Just like causes of stress differ from person to person, what relieves stress is not the same foreveryone. You'll never completely get rid of stress, but you can learn to manage stress with coping techniques that work for you. I hope that I've given you some great ideas on how you can deal with stress

How to deal with Breakups?

When we start to break down,

No ones there to stop the fall, but us,

In our mistakes, we start to drown,

Built up walls start to come down

~ M C Rayzer~

Unlike other breakups that seem to be expected or come from nowhere,it can be extremely hard being in a loveless relationship, trying to figure out if you should work on the relationship, or bear the pain of breaking up. Does it seem that whenever there is conflict between you and your partner, that neither of you are able to compromise nor find common ground to work out a happy medium? If you feel like your relationship is coming to an end and the break up seems inevitable,here are a couple of things you can try to salvage it

#1 Stop playing the blame game.

It is all too common and easy that when relationship problems strike,to blame our partner rather than looking at ourselves for the fault.He is not interested at all anymore in what I have to say. She's always so distant. Would it be too much to ask, for once, if he could just do something nice for me for a change. If she could just stop complaining I might do more things for her etc.By blaming your partner,it will only lead to them being on the defense. First you must love other and accept them for who they are; you should avoid focusing on what they lack.

#2 Stop being so clingy.

Depending on your partner to do everything with you is a very serious habit that should not be developed. When you're too dependent on your partner, it's very common for a break up to occur. It's important to know that you and your partner need time apart, and you don't needt hem to run around on errands with you. It is not healthy to want to be with your partner all the time, it can be advantageous to both yourself and the relationship to find and enjoy hobbies that you can do on your own, outside of the relationship.

#3 How are you communicating with your partner?

In a healthy relationship, communication needs to be priority.Arguments, snide remarks and sarcastic comments are not effective forms of communication between you and your loved one, as these comments can be hurtful and are extremely disrespectful and demeaning to your significant other and may cause other problems. It is extremely inappropriate to speak to friends or colleagues that way, so why do you find it acceptable to address your loved one in thatmanner?

#4. Stop listening to the negatives.

Are you always assuming that you know what your partner is thinking or doing? If your partner doesn't cater to your every whim, do you convince yourself that they don't love you? Stop going with your negative beliefs because they are not reality.

#5 Are you paying attention to your partner?

Are you showing an interest in your partner and what he or she likes?Do they have a fair chance when giving you their side of the argument?A lot of the time, we need to be right and don't listen to what they're saying. The next time you disagree, try using a normal tone ofvoice and listen to your partner's point of view. No one is right all the time, and by not listening carefully you might be missing something important.

When the above actions fail and do not make any significant changes in the communication aspect of the relationship, it may be time for something more drastic. Time apart is recommended when a relationshiphas been pushed to its breaking point and both parties involved are suffering. Take this time, clear your head and decide what it is that you really want.

One day to Defeat your negative feelings

The world seems not the same,
Though I know nothing has changed.
It's all my state of mind,
I can't leave it all behind.
Have to stand up to be stronger.
(~Within Temptation~ )

You don't want to see anyone and you would rather be left alone. Your head spins and a million thoughts storm inside your mind. Maybe everyone should just disappear, maybe everyone is incapable of understanding you, maybe they should all stop judging you and may be those neighbours should stop with their music! But maybe a new day is what you need to pass over everything…

7:00 Wake up- Be at peace with yourself. A disease, the death ofsomeone close, debts, a bad relationship, the others' attitude…one of them or even more would be enough to shake anyone's stability, atleast for a while. Hiding your problem or not acknowledging it will do nothing but to make you sadder, incapable of communicating with the others and with yourself and will affect your self esteem.Whatever your problem is, it's absolutely normal to come across a difficulty, so hating yourself or the others won't bring you absolutely any good. Acknowledging your problem is maybe the most important step.

8:00 Preparing for the day ahead. Even if most realize in the end what it is that causes their negative reactions towards the world, they decide either to give up on finding a solution or to do everything on their own. It's easy to turn your back on the entire world and to become isolated just because the situation seems just too tough sometimes. The next step is to realize that mad world offers a great advantage too: nobody is totally alone. In the end, everyone has someone to turn to; and once you've asked for help, some advice orjust a hug you've made the biggest step.

13:00 Lunch. Take the phone and dial your friend's number. Maybe the only advantage of a bad situation is that you see who your realfriends are, even though sometimes we feel like we would rather neverknow. Sharing something so intimate for the first time is very difficult, but it helps anyone overcome isolation and rebuilds that person's trust in people. To finally confide after some time is like putting some ice on a twisted ankle: it's unpleasant at first but it proves to be a great relief. So spend some time with a friend or a family member. Sometimes there's no need to speak at all. Specialized help is also a solution. There's nothing shameful in visiting a therapist. Many people do it, in fact and that person was specially trained to offer you guidance.

17:00 The great outdoors. Some can easily get rid of their hate and frustration through physical exercise, long walks and short trips.Physical effort is usually followed by a great feeling of achievement and also by tiredness. This is good because it will help you sleepfaster and much better. Trips, especially in places where nature is still untouched can help someone clear his or her mind and maybe finally reach a decision. Activities such as watching TV for a longtime or playing computer games will do nothing but to keep you away from the others. And maybe both you and them deserve another chance.

19:00 Dinner- make a plan. If something went wrong it does not mean that you can't give it another chance. Spend as much time as possible in people's company and don't be afraid to speak out or to ask for advice. Make some plans for the future, maybe not to become richer than Bill Gates, but set goals that would make you feel proud when achieving them. Try to get a book you wanted for a long time, raise money to buy something you really wanted, start exercising and eating healthy food, get involved in voluntary work (helping others will have a miraculous effect). Binge eating will not solve your problems, but will add many others to the ones you already have.Direct your energy towards one of these purposes (of course, without exaggerating). You will feel great once you have achieved one of them or you've helped someone as it will show you that there is still enough potential that you can exploit

22:00 Sleep. It's not simple to pass over everything and many times your problems seem not to leave you alone. You have hard time getting any sleep, you are concerned. Whenever you feel like, discuss, try to find a way and don't allow your negative feelings to return. Keep in your mind the fact that there are people who care about you and that they have reasons to do so. Think about the good times, about the things you like, about the people you love. Try to put the good aspects of your life on the first place. Be optimistic: tell to yourself that life has yet a lot more to offer.The day has passed but many others will come. You can either choose to spend them isolated and full of negative feelings or you can break the barrier. So what will the new day bring?

Why Do We Avoid Doing what we love ?

When we create, we come alive; we're making love to life. We use our unique talents, perception and skills and make the intangible tangible. Most of us generally know what we want in life. For every person, the answer to what brings us joy will be unique. For some it's playing guitar or dancing. For others it's writing, hiking, spending time with family, photography, or drawing.
So if we know what makes us feel alive, why do we resist it? Why do we avoid doing what we love to do?
I think there's a number of reasons that can help us explain this elusive phenomenon. Hopefully in discovering the blocks toward pursuing what is dearest to us, we can overcome them.
So why do we resist?
1. The inability to accept imperfections
. Do you think that Mona Lisa was Da Vinci's first painting? We think, if it's not perfect, why bother? But when we pursue the creative act, it's crucial that we suspend judgment. After all, you can always cull the fluff and ridiculous later.
What to do instead? Resist your temptation to have everything figured out before you start. Failure is fundamental to the creative process. If you don't fail, you'll never improve. Suspend your judgment and remember that whatever you don't like, you can always take out or re-do.
2. Not respecting the gestation of improvement.
Say you have a passion for dancing. The only problem is, you'd make a blind man cry. Remember that mastery of any art or skill takes time. No one starts out being a natural Michael Jackson. And anyway, look what fame did to him. Are you sure you want that?

What's a poor Napoleon Dynamite to do? Respect the fact that mastering any skill takes time. Instead of thinking about all the things that aren't right, think about what you can do now to improve.
3. Not accepting your creative identity.
All great artists, poets, musicians and creators, excelled by accepting their artistic identity. The truth is, we are all artists. We're creating the story of our life in each moment. We're not just humans living, we're artists shaping a story. Accepting your identity as an artist is accepting your creative nature.
So how can we gain the confidence to accept out creative identity? The biggest block toward your acceptance of your creative nature is probably due to self-judgment. How can you possibly accept that you are a writer when you haven't hit the bestseller list? While external affirmations are important, the approval of your heart is equally important. If you feel in your heart that you are born to be an athlete, but don't have Magic Johnson's skills, that's okay. What matters is that you feel deeply in your heart that is what you want. It makes you come alive.
4. We've turned our passion into work.
Anytime you feel that you must do something, you lose inspiration. You lose your sense of excitement. In our society and in general, we have a clearly separate work and play. "Work hard, play hard!" is a common motto people tell others to make them feel a little better about their drudgery. We don't have to dread work, it's a choice. That's the problem when our passion has also become our work. We tend to think it's our passion has become something we must do. There's no fun in that.
What can we do to re-ignite our passion? We need to get our heart back in it. Spend 15 minutes just visualizing what you want to create. Think about how it makes you feel. How does it make your body feel? What excites you about it? Think about all the reasons you wanted to do it in the first place. If you feel the urge to start working on it, hold yourself back until the 15 minutes are over.

This a great tool for realigning yourself and remember the reason you started in the first place. Sometimes our mind tends to overpower the heart. It's our logical faculty after all right? Using this exercise helps us re-align ourselves.
Lost in Space
The truth is, we're often the most productive when what we're doing has absolutely no purpose. We come alive when we've lost track of time, doing what we love.
Perhaps its not our weakness, but our greatness that we fear the most.