How to deal with Breakups?

When we start to break down,

No ones there to stop the fall, but us,

In our mistakes, we start to drown,

Built up walls start to come down

~ M C Rayzer~

Unlike other breakups that seem to be expected or come from nowhere,it can be extremely hard being in a loveless relationship, trying to figure out if you should work on the relationship, or bear the pain of breaking up. Does it seem that whenever there is conflict between you and your partner, that neither of you are able to compromise nor find common ground to work out a happy medium? If you feel like your relationship is coming to an end and the break up seems inevitable,here are a couple of things you can try to salvage it

#1 Stop playing the blame game.

It is all too common and easy that when relationship problems strike,to blame our partner rather than looking at ourselves for the fault.He is not interested at all anymore in what I have to say. She's always so distant. Would it be too much to ask, for once, if he could just do something nice for me for a change. If she could just stop complaining I might do more things for her etc.By blaming your partner,it will only lead to them being on the defense. First you must love other and accept them for who they are; you should avoid focusing on what they lack.

#2 Stop being so clingy.

Depending on your partner to do everything with you is a very serious habit that should not be developed. When you're too dependent on your partner, it's very common for a break up to occur. It's important to know that you and your partner need time apart, and you don't needt hem to run around on errands with you. It is not healthy to want to be with your partner all the time, it can be advantageous to both yourself and the relationship to find and enjoy hobbies that you can do on your own, outside of the relationship.

#3 How are you communicating with your partner?

In a healthy relationship, communication needs to be priority.Arguments, snide remarks and sarcastic comments are not effective forms of communication between you and your loved one, as these comments can be hurtful and are extremely disrespectful and demeaning to your significant other and may cause other problems. It is extremely inappropriate to speak to friends or colleagues that way, so why do you find it acceptable to address your loved one in thatmanner?

#4. Stop listening to the negatives.

Are you always assuming that you know what your partner is thinking or doing? If your partner doesn't cater to your every whim, do you convince yourself that they don't love you? Stop going with your negative beliefs because they are not reality.

#5 Are you paying attention to your partner?

Are you showing an interest in your partner and what he or she likes?Do they have a fair chance when giving you their side of the argument?A lot of the time, we need to be right and don't listen to what they're saying. The next time you disagree, try using a normal tone ofvoice and listen to your partner's point of view. No one is right all the time, and by not listening carefully you might be missing something important.

When the above actions fail and do not make any significant changes in the communication aspect of the relationship, it may be time for something more drastic. Time apart is recommended when a relationshiphas been pushed to its breaking point and both parties involved are suffering. Take this time, clear your head and decide what it is that you really want.

One day to Defeat your negative feelings

The world seems not the same,
Though I know nothing has changed.
It's all my state of mind,
I can't leave it all behind.
Have to stand up to be stronger.
(~Within Temptation~ )

You don't want to see anyone and you would rather be left alone. Your head spins and a million thoughts storm inside your mind. Maybe everyone should just disappear, maybe everyone is incapable of understanding you, maybe they should all stop judging you and may be those neighbours should stop with their music! But maybe a new day is what you need to pass over everything…

7:00 Wake up- Be at peace with yourself. A disease, the death ofsomeone close, debts, a bad relationship, the others' attitude…one of them or even more would be enough to shake anyone's stability, atleast for a while. Hiding your problem or not acknowledging it will do nothing but to make you sadder, incapable of communicating with the others and with yourself and will affect your self esteem.Whatever your problem is, it's absolutely normal to come across a difficulty, so hating yourself or the others won't bring you absolutely any good. Acknowledging your problem is maybe the most important step.

8:00 Preparing for the day ahead. Even if most realize in the end what it is that causes their negative reactions towards the world, they decide either to give up on finding a solution or to do everything on their own. It's easy to turn your back on the entire world and to become isolated just because the situation seems just too tough sometimes. The next step is to realize that mad world offers a great advantage too: nobody is totally alone. In the end, everyone has someone to turn to; and once you've asked for help, some advice orjust a hug you've made the biggest step.

13:00 Lunch. Take the phone and dial your friend's number. Maybe the only advantage of a bad situation is that you see who your realfriends are, even though sometimes we feel like we would rather neverknow. Sharing something so intimate for the first time is very difficult, but it helps anyone overcome isolation and rebuilds that person's trust in people. To finally confide after some time is like putting some ice on a twisted ankle: it's unpleasant at first but it proves to be a great relief. So spend some time with a friend or a family member. Sometimes there's no need to speak at all. Specialized help is also a solution. There's nothing shameful in visiting a therapist. Many people do it, in fact and that person was specially trained to offer you guidance.

17:00 The great outdoors. Some can easily get rid of their hate and frustration through physical exercise, long walks and short trips.Physical effort is usually followed by a great feeling of achievement and also by tiredness. This is good because it will help you sleepfaster and much better. Trips, especially in places where nature is still untouched can help someone clear his or her mind and maybe finally reach a decision. Activities such as watching TV for a longtime or playing computer games will do nothing but to keep you away from the others. And maybe both you and them deserve another chance.

19:00 Dinner- make a plan. If something went wrong it does not mean that you can't give it another chance. Spend as much time as possible in people's company and don't be afraid to speak out or to ask for advice. Make some plans for the future, maybe not to become richer than Bill Gates, but set goals that would make you feel proud when achieving them. Try to get a book you wanted for a long time, raise money to buy something you really wanted, start exercising and eating healthy food, get involved in voluntary work (helping others will have a miraculous effect). Binge eating will not solve your problems, but will add many others to the ones you already have.Direct your energy towards one of these purposes (of course, without exaggerating). You will feel great once you have achieved one of them or you've helped someone as it will show you that there is still enough potential that you can exploit

22:00 Sleep. It's not simple to pass over everything and many times your problems seem not to leave you alone. You have hard time getting any sleep, you are concerned. Whenever you feel like, discuss, try to find a way and don't allow your negative feelings to return. Keep in your mind the fact that there are people who care about you and that they have reasons to do so. Think about the good times, about the things you like, about the people you love. Try to put the good aspects of your life on the first place. Be optimistic: tell to yourself that life has yet a lot more to offer.The day has passed but many others will come. You can either choose to spend them isolated and full of negative feelings or you can break the barrier. So what will the new day bring?

Why Do We Avoid Doing what we love ?

When we create, we come alive; we're making love to life. We use our unique talents, perception and skills and make the intangible tangible. Most of us generally know what we want in life. For every person, the answer to what brings us joy will be unique. For some it's playing guitar or dancing. For others it's writing, hiking, spending time with family, photography, or drawing.
So if we know what makes us feel alive, why do we resist it? Why do we avoid doing what we love to do?
I think there's a number of reasons that can help us explain this elusive phenomenon. Hopefully in discovering the blocks toward pursuing what is dearest to us, we can overcome them.
So why do we resist?
1. The inability to accept imperfections
. Do you think that Mona Lisa was Da Vinci's first painting? We think, if it's not perfect, why bother? But when we pursue the creative act, it's crucial that we suspend judgment. After all, you can always cull the fluff and ridiculous later.
What to do instead? Resist your temptation to have everything figured out before you start. Failure is fundamental to the creative process. If you don't fail, you'll never improve. Suspend your judgment and remember that whatever you don't like, you can always take out or re-do.
2. Not respecting the gestation of improvement.
Say you have a passion for dancing. The only problem is, you'd make a blind man cry. Remember that mastery of any art or skill takes time. No one starts out being a natural Michael Jackson. And anyway, look what fame did to him. Are you sure you want that?

What's a poor Napoleon Dynamite to do? Respect the fact that mastering any skill takes time. Instead of thinking about all the things that aren't right, think about what you can do now to improve.
3. Not accepting your creative identity.
All great artists, poets, musicians and creators, excelled by accepting their artistic identity. The truth is, we are all artists. We're creating the story of our life in each moment. We're not just humans living, we're artists shaping a story. Accepting your identity as an artist is accepting your creative nature.
So how can we gain the confidence to accept out creative identity? The biggest block toward your acceptance of your creative nature is probably due to self-judgment. How can you possibly accept that you are a writer when you haven't hit the bestseller list? While external affirmations are important, the approval of your heart is equally important. If you feel in your heart that you are born to be an athlete, but don't have Magic Johnson's skills, that's okay. What matters is that you feel deeply in your heart that is what you want. It makes you come alive.
4. We've turned our passion into work.
Anytime you feel that you must do something, you lose inspiration. You lose your sense of excitement. In our society and in general, we have a clearly separate work and play. "Work hard, play hard!" is a common motto people tell others to make them feel a little better about their drudgery. We don't have to dread work, it's a choice. That's the problem when our passion has also become our work. We tend to think it's our passion has become something we must do. There's no fun in that.
What can we do to re-ignite our passion? We need to get our heart back in it. Spend 15 minutes just visualizing what you want to create. Think about how it makes you feel. How does it make your body feel? What excites you about it? Think about all the reasons you wanted to do it in the first place. If you feel the urge to start working on it, hold yourself back until the 15 minutes are over.

This a great tool for realigning yourself and remember the reason you started in the first place. Sometimes our mind tends to overpower the heart. It's our logical faculty after all right? Using this exercise helps us re-align ourselves.
Lost in Space
The truth is, we're often the most productive when what we're doing has absolutely no purpose. We come alive when we've lost track of time, doing what we love.
Perhaps its not our weakness, but our greatness that we fear the most.